Gosh it has been a long time since I posted any poetry. As part of my recent therapy sessions Chris and I have been exploring why I carry this continued guilt and balance that things were my fault. I have failed to find an answer so in an attempt to expose some of the underlying thinking I let loose my inner poet again.
Poem: This Coat
This heavy coat of shame, I wear upon my back.
It’s matted fur is dripping with guilt from time now past.
I wish that I could take it off, and hang it out to dry.
But it’s sewn into my flesh and can not be set aside.
Heavy with much shame, dripping in disgust.
It weighs against my being, but also holds it up.
Protect me from mistakes once made,
lessons not learnt fast enough.
The cloak it’s self is guarding me,
from something once called love.
Sewn into my soul, carrying what’s lost. Compounding every learning, but doing so at cost.
I’ve tried to shake it off, I’ve picked along the seams.
But every time I try, the thread just runs more deep.
Perhaps I am afraid, that if I tear it from my soul,
the flesh that it will take with it, will mean I’m never whole.
If I acknowledge that this coat I’ve grown, was never made for me.
Then why decide to wear it and not simply be free?
Maybe if I see it, for the mistakes of someone else.
The frighten child it leaves behind, will be less than the coat itself.
I’ve worn this coat with power, I dragged it on my back.
catching all the troubles, it found upon my path.
With every growing lesson, I have built with it my strength.
The coat is now my armour and without I am spent.