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Through this blog I always wanted to drive positive action for everyone to improve their mental health and well-being.
It is also really important to face into the hard stuff when it arises. To be open and shout out “Yo over here I am someone that is succeeding in life but dam I am finding it hard right now.” This is important to remove the stigma of mental health illness and empower people to act when things get tuff. So as I find myself struggling a little more than usual I thought I would reflect on why asking for help is essential.
Those that follow my blog regularly will know I had a very traumatic childhood. Care, abuse, a suicidal mother, alcoholic father… and whilst I managed to get through it really well, I am starting to wonder if instead of dealing with my childhood trauma I just buried it.
I think it is very possible that in a very human response to my life being in danger and all the turmoil around me I just detached the emotion from the experience. If that was what I did, I think it worked well at the time, however since the diagnosis of PTSD following the burns I suffered a couple of years ago, I wonder if it has opened the door a little and that trauma is trying to find its way out.
What I am feeling right now…
After the burns I had months of anxiety, which resulted in me having medical consultation after consultation, isolating myself from my friends and started to impact work. That was when I acted and got some support. Following the diagnosis the treatment was amazing. I got back to mostly my normal self, though I was told i would never be cured, but off I went into the world optimistic if anyone could be cured it would be me, and I would continue to work on myself to do it.
For months that was the case little by little I improved and at times I felt even more resilient , in control and happier than the pre burn Alison. However over the last couple of months a cloud has been looming. I have been gradually subtly feeling a little worse. Not sleeping as well, feeling angry more often, feeling my base level of anxiety rising…(the … is a substitute for all the little things I still don’t feel comfortable saying). I have even developed an annoying twitch in my eye, it drives me insane!
Why am I here?
Your guess is as good as mine. I did have to undergo an operation earlier this year which again meant no exercise for a couple of months. (I really do notice the impact of not being able to work out). I have taken on a sort of promotion at work (but I thrive in a work environment, so yes I am working a bit longer hours but I love it). The kids are both moving up or starting new schools in September and there were some bumpy Covid related moments in the last few months (Vaccine worries, precious last days of school missed, other first world challenges etc), but we all deal with that right.
So what the Fuck am I going to do about it!
So I did the usual spent a while trying to convince myself I was fine.
Then I acknowledged I was not great and tried on my own the improve things. I looked at all my well-being tools, exercise, meditation etc and improved in the areas I could.
Now I am at the point where I have decided to reach out for help.
And now I have made that decision I am having to sit with the frustration and anxiety of waiting for it to arrive.
Do you find that once you have made your mind up and want to do something, you just want to crack on? I am very much of that ilk.
So why is it essential to get help sometimes.
- Perspective – Sometimes we are just too close to our problems to see the path through.
- New Techniques – Sometimes the way we did things before stop working as well and we need to learn new ways.
- Getting Real – Life is short, none of us should spend vast periods of it unhappy.
- Foundation for Others. We can’t help others unless we help ourselves.
- Owning our problems – We have to learn to notice when things are getting worse and act on it.
- Growing. We can’t keep expecting to take the same actions and get different results.